he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
