you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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