dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
