At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
