i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Randomize
