Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
