he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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