The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
