He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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