you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
