If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
