I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
