This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
