i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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