did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
