I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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