God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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