I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
