You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
