i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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