Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
