Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
