you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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