Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
