hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
