Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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