I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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