brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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