During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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