I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
