DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
