Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
