Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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