so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
