Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
