If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
