you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
