Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
