wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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