You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
