Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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