So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I came so hard my ears popped.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize