I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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