I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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