blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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