when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
