you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
