I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
