maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Randomize
