So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
