If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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