Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize