so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
