If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
