I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize