Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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