Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
