i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
