normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
