I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
