The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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