i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
In America we eat man semen.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
