After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I FOUND THE LEGS
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
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