i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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