Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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