Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
