either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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