I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
