I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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