And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
