How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
